Saturday, October 25, 2008

Farmer's Market and a Garage Sale

I didn't cook much last week, so I still had much of my produce leftover from my previous Farmer's Market excursion. I was out of pluots and oranges, and I needed more apples for a dessert I'd like to make, so I made a trip to get some fruit.

On the way home, I noticed that one of my neighbors was having a garage sale. It was slim pickings, but they had books so I stopped to check it out. I found this little gem in between copies of "How to Flirt" and other such uninteresting titles.

Now I don't really feel like I need a drinking handbook (because I'm a professional?), but after flipping through the pages for a minute or so, I decided that it amused me enough to pay the asking price of $1. I will give you a few of my favorites from the "86 Rules of Boozing" section in the book:

12. Never ever tell a bartender he made your drink too strong.
14. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does not like you.
15. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still might not like you.
25. It is only permissible to shout "woo-hoo!" if you are doing a shot with four or more people.
35. Learn to appreciate hangovers. If it was all good times every jackass would be doing it.
58. Fighting an extremely drunk person when you are sober is hilarious.
67. Never ask a bartender, "What's good tonight?" They do not fly the scotch fresh from the coast every morning.
71. It's acceptable--traditional, in fact--to disappear during a night of hard drinking. You will appear mysterious and your friends will understand. If they even notice.
72. Never argue your tab at the end of the night. Remember, you're hammered and they're sober. 99.9 percent of the time you're wrong, and either way you're going to come off as a jackass.
82. There's nothing wrong with drinking before noon. Especially if you're supposed to be at work.

A dollar well spent.

1 comment:

speedvegan said...

awesome quotes ! thanks for the laugh !